If Thou Must Love Me
If thou must love me, let it be for naught
Except for love’s sake only. Do not say,
‘I love her for her smile – her look – her way
Of speaking gently,- for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day’ –
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee – and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity’s wiping my cheeks dry:
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love’s sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love’s eternity.
Where it fits in the ceremony
In most ceremonies the readings follow the officiant’s welcome, before the vows; a second reading can come between the vows and the exchange of rings. In a civil ceremony, some registrars ask to see readings in advance to confirm they contain no religious content — this one will pass.
Pair it with
Two readings that balance this one, one sacred and one secular:
- Tobit 8:4–8 — “Mercifully ordain that we may become aged together” — Tobias and Sarah’s wedding-night prayer.
- Philippians 2:1–4 — “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”